More Plane stuff

I’m not done with the whole airplane thing. I actually wrote this while I flew the other day, a short trip Milwaukee-Louisville. Now there’s probably a line of jokes for that itself, but I don’t want to explore that right now.

First of all a quick note about the wheels, they put these up too fast. I’m not totally sure we are done with them, what if we have to land again real fast, they could be helpful. They should stay down until we are at least 2 or 3 thousand feet high. I mean what’s the hurry

Next, I noticed the flight attendant( by the way they are not stewardesses anymore for some reason) was reading the safety information about the plane off a card. By the way again, I chuckled when she brought up the aisle lights. Now the lady that is reading the safety stuff off the card is the same lady that closed the door on the plane. First of all, that’s a man’s job. Not to be chauvinistic, but wouldn’t you feel better about the whole door thing if a man closed it. Well I would and that’s my opinion. I’d also feel better about it if the lady, that was conveying the safety information actually knew it and wasn’t reading it. So let me get this straight, if there is an emergency she would get out her cheat sheet and instruct everyone what to do, because with the exception of me, for material purposes only, and one anal person on the plane no one else even listened.

More on the door, the flight was delayed for 15 minutes to replace the seal on it, pretty sure that was done by a man also. But when we get on the plane the pilot said the delay would not make us late. He said we had a tailwind that would help us make up the time. Just so I’m clear on this, the wind was blowing from Milwaukee towards Louisville and that enabled us to make up 15 minutes on a 1 hour flight. Why didn’t he just say he put the pedal to the metal. How dumb has America gotten? And if he could just makeup this time why don’t they just fly as fast as they can everywhere? Probably because layovers would be longer, huh.

Now comes the drink service, why can’t I have the whole can of coke? They ask you afterwards if you want another one. I say no I want the rest of the one I already had. Well scratch that, she just gave me the whole can, now I’m confused. They also serve chocolate chip cookies on this plane, not pretzels. Now that’s a much sweeter deal, literally. Get this not only did she offer me the can but she asked me if I wanted 2 cookies. She likes me I think, not that way, but when I got on the plane I commented about how there were more people on the plane than there were coming. I said “More people leave this place than come here.” I didn’t think much of it, but it struck her funny bone and she laughed like someone was holding her down and tickling her. OK the plane descending and I’m just rambling.

Aisle Lights

I went to the airport to drop off the family because I am such a control freak I had to make sure they got off ok and it got me to thinking about planes. I find it interesting that before takeoff in an airplane they go over these rules and safety regulations of the plane. I guess that’s better than saying if the plane crashes we all die though. One part I find extremely useless is the part about the aisle lights. They tell you “In the event of an emergency the aisle lights will come on and guide you out of the plane.” Well isn’t that helpful? Let’s set the stage here and see just how effective the aisle lights would be in an emergency. You’re flying let’s say 500 miles an hour, 30,000 feet above the ground, no let’s make it Hawaii, so it’s the ocean. Now according to google, 30,000 feet is approximately 5.7 miles, rounded off, or according to Triple A is equal to the distance the average American lives from Walmart (no joke, there everywhere). You are about 1 hour into a 5 hour flight from Los Angeles to Maui. Now if you passed 3rd grade math you know you are about 500 miles from the shore, cause we’re going 500 miles an hour. See learning can be fun. It’s about now the wing falls off the plane. Whereas you had two wings, you now have one. You begin a downward spiral 500 miles an hour and you are going to fall the distance of your house to Walmart. Now according to google you have somewhere in the neighborhood of 41 seconds until impact into the Pacific Ocean. Thank God the Aisle lights are on, you just might be able to see well enough to kiss you butt goodbye.

It's Time

I have decided to share my wisdom with more than the select few that are on my email list. This forum will mainly be about me and my interests, but mainly me. I will discuss in painful detail the things I like and dislike. First we need to establish a set of ground rules. I will not update this everyday. I will try for once a week, but I am not holding fast to a strict regiment here. Some weeks for example might be two, some zero. It really just depends on how many idiots I run into that particular week. Don't expect me to solve all your life's problems here, I am only one man. Albeit a highly skilled, successful, charming, handsome, superbly intelligent man, but still only 1. These are all things I know about myself and have learned to deal with, now you must. Don't write requesting stats or pics or any of that other cutesy net talk some of you have developed as a first language, I'm not interested. I will accept your questions, and give them my undivided attention unless there is something better going on or on TV. But understand this is mainly about me, so if you build your questions to topics I like or just questions about me, your chances of being answered are likely to increase.